Appreciate the Season You're In

I think confidence is something a lot of us are constantly chasing.

Like one day we’ll finally feel comfortable enough in our bodies, routines, appearance, or lives to stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us.

Growing up playing sports, I spent a lot of my life tying confidence to performance. If I felt strong, disciplined, fit, productive, or successful, confidence came easier. And if I didn’t, it felt like I was falling behind.

At the end of eighth grade, I had done track for the first time and was in some of the best shape of my life.

Then, during my freshman year of club soccer in January of 2020, I tore my ACL for the first time.

Ironically, I almost didn’t even go to practice that night. I come from a huge football family, and the night before I had skipped practice to stay home and watch LSU win the National Championship. The next night I debated staying home again, but because I had already missed the day before, I figured I should probably go.

And sure enough, in the last two minutes of practice, I tore my ACL.

For a while, it felt like everything shifted after that.

Not just physically, but mentally too.

Suddenly everything became “watch your knee.”

Simple things like riding bikes, playing with my dogs, wrestling with my siblings, tubing on the lake, or doing anything remotely reckless suddenly came with my mom yelling from somewhere in the background.

And honestly, as funny as it sounds now, it was hard adjusting to feeling limited in ways I never had before.

Not only was I a teenager already comparing myself to other people, but now I was comparing myself to an older version of who I used to be.

I missed the athlete I used to be, the body I used to have, and the confidence that once came a lot easier.

As my routines changed, my body changed too. There was weight gain, frustration, insecurity, and moments where I barely felt confident at all. I would scroll through social media watching girls who seemed so disciplined and comfortable in their own skin while I felt completely disconnected from mine.

And I think comparison gets really hard when you start believing confidence only belongs to certain versions of yourself.

The version of yourself that seems fit, productive, motivated, and like they have everything figured out.

But life doesn’t work like that.

Bodies change, circumstances change, motivation changes, and so do the seasons of life we go through.

And I don’t think confidence can only exist when everything feels perfect.

Since then, I’ve torn my ACL two more times. Once again during my senior year of club soccer, and again during my sophomore year of college.

Three ACL tears before turning twenty.

And honestly, going through all of that made me realize how much time we waste waiting to feel worthy, confident, or happy until we become some “better” version of ourselves.

I still have hard days where comparison creeps in and confidence feels harder than it should.

But I’ve learned that taking care of yourself has a lot less to do with being perfect and a lot more to do with focusing on what you can control.

It looks like moving your body because you appreciate it, fueling yourself well, getting outside more, resting when you need to, and learning how to show up for yourself even when confidence feels inconsistent.

I think confidence comes from learning to appreciate yourself a little more in every season of life, even the hard ones.

And how much lighter would life feel if we stopped spending so much of it wishing we were some other version of ourselves or even someone else?